Saturday, May 16, 2009
Blood Freak is another film whose elements conceal the fishing hook. You'll be tantalized by the idea of it, but seeing it is like getting a hook through the cheek. There is a freak, and he does drink blood. That much is true. What the title doesn't reveal is that the freak is a mumbling doofus with the head of a turkey. Here's the skinny: Doped-up day laborer gets hired at a turkey ranch where they feed him chemically laced turkey. This turkey mixes up with the dope he smoked earlier and creates a nasty cocktail. He is transformed into a mutant turkey! Well, he looks like himself wearing the San Diego Chicken head. Rampage ensues. Now turkey-man is addicted to the blood of crack whores. Crack whores are plentiful in this film, luckily. Turkey-man needs rehab now. "Hello, my name is Blood Freak, and I have a problem." Surprise ending also ensues. Vincent Price look-a-like narrator yacks up a lung from his grotto, and dialogue volume floats just under the buzzing of the camera. There's an obvious tryptophan joke in here somewhere. It's sorta like if Hunter Thompson wrote an Ed Wood film. The whole film is a diatribe against the careless use of narcotics. Doing drugs results in a turkey head. Gotta side with narcotics on this one though. I'm jonesin' for a fix now. How else can I cope with what I saw? Watching it is like a big turkey dinner. Sure, you'll get some nourishment, but in the end, you'll need to undo your belt and go lie down.